You've Really Done it Now, Nein!
by sincerelymendacious
Summary: In which Morry helps his stupid co-worker after an argument at a bar goes wrong.


This was a request from MemeYearOld17 at the psychowhatsits discord server. They wanted Sasha to get punched in the face and of course, I had to oblige. Hope you like it, Meme!

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"Nein, you idiot!" Morry snapped as he put his hand on the back of Sasha's head to force it down. "Don't look up like that!"

Sasha flicked his hand away with a quick zap of psychic energy, then tipped his head back up into its previous position, his already swollen nose pointing towards the roof of Morry's jeep. "Keep your attention on the road, please," he said testily, his words muffled by the bloody bandanna he held to his face. "I know what I'm doing."

Had Morry not been so annoyed, he probably would have laughed at how dweeby Sasha sounded. The damage the punch had done to his nose made his normally deep, smooth voice sound nasally and high-pitched, like the stereotypical egghead that he was. "You're supposed to look down so that the blood doesn't drain back into your throat," he said through gritted teeth.

"That's- ach!" A hiss of pain cut off whatever he was going to say next, his body jostled forward by the jeep's abrupt stop in front of an intersection. He glared at Morry, who shrugged and pointed at the red light, indicating that he hadn't had any other choice but to stop.  
"That's only if you're bleeding heavily," he explained, talking to Morry like he was a particularly stupid child. "I am not currently bleeding."

"That is not true!" Morry jabbed a finger at the bloody bandanna- his bandanna, and one of his nicer ones at that, now covered in deep, dark stains that would be very difficult to get out later. "You're still leaking!"

Sasha removed the bandanna from his face, revealing the sticky blood drying under his nose and all over his mouth and chin. The sight of it was nauseating and Morry looked away quickly before the nachos he'd eaten back at the bar ended up all over the steering wheel. "I'm not bleeding, as you can clearly see," Sasha stated, almost as though he were proud of the accomplishment.

The car behind them honked, its driver irritated that Morry had not immediately proceeded forward the very instant the light had changed. "Hey, cram it!" Morry shouted out the window, glad to have an excuse not to look at Sasha's mess of a face. He shook his fist angrily at the impatient driver. "You want me to back the War Machine into you, is that it?" The driver responded to this query by passing Morry's jeep and giving them both a very rude gesture before speeding off down the street. "Maniacs," Morry grumbled as he put his foot on the gas pedal. "They're all out tonight." He sent Sasha a side-long glance. "And I'm sitting next to one of them!"

Sasha responded to this insult with a disdainful look that would have been much more effective had his nose not been red and swollen to twice its size. "How am I the maniac?" he demanded to know. He breathed in through his mouth, unable to inhale through the mess that was his current nasal situation. "I am not the one who threw the punch."

"But you did start the argument," Morry pointed out, swiveling his head right and left, observing the buildings that lined either side of the street. _Damn, isn't there an all-night pharmacy here? Everything's closed but the bars. _"An argument over soccer, of all things," he added derisively.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sasha bristle. "Football," he corrected tersely.

Morry rolled his eyes. "Who gets that worked up over some people kicking a ball around?"

"Football is more than just people 'kicking a ball around,' as you say," Sasha said, trying to sound superior and mostly failing, "but I am not going to bother getting into this with an American." With that, he squeezed his eyes shut and looked up again.

"Goddammit Nein, you're gonna choke doing that!" Morry yelled, simultaneously trying to keep his eyes on road and on his incredibly stupid passenger at the same time.

"I will not," Sasha insisted, not altering the position of his head one bit. "Elevating my head back like this will reduce both the pain and swelling. The risk of choking is only present if one is bleeding profusely, which I am not." He flipped his glasses up onto his forehead and began rubbing his eyes with the hand that was not holding the bandana to his nose.

How could a guy who had just been punched by a complete stranger in a bar sound so condescending? Sasha's know-it-all tone made Morry want to pull his mustache out. "Well, how was I supposed to know that?" he spat out. "I've never been punched in the face!"

"Never?" Sasha asked, sounding surprised.

Morry swallowed, regretting that he had disclosed that bit of information about himself. "No, never," he grunted, keeping his gaze locked on the road ahead. "I've been in plenty of scraps before, don't get me wrong, but I've never let anyone get a hit on me." This was technically true- he'd been in many shouting matches over the years, but had always fled before they could escalate into physical altercations. Sasha made a wordless noise in response to this declaration, and Morry couldn't tell the man believed his story or not. "Yup. Nobody's been able to crack this egg," he continued, tapping the side of his bald head with his finger.

"If only we could all be so lucky," Sasha said in a deadpan manner.

A flickering neon sign up ahead caught Morry's attention before he could respond to that statement. "Hey," he said, grateful to have a reason to change the subject, "I think that place is open." He pointed over towards a building on the left side of the street.

Sasha inclined his head forward the tiniest bit to see what building Morry was referring to. "Ah, so it is," he said, his tone both puzzled and annoyed for some reason. "You aren't really planning to stop there, are you?"

Morry turned the turn signal on and drove the jeep over into the left turn lane. "Well, duh. You need to get some ice on that schnoz of yours. Since you refuse to go to a hospital like a sane person and all."

"Ah, Morry," Sasha said as Morry turned into the store's parking lot. "You don't need to do that. I have everything that I require to treat this back at my home."

"Which is on the other side of town," Morry stated, parking the jeep in a space near the entrance. "Your nose might fall off by the time we get there."

"Ah, well." Sasha was looking at Morry strangely, as though he were surprised that Morry would do this simple favor for him. "Do not, ah, spend too much money on my account," he said, watching as Morry unbuckled his seat belt.

Morry supposed that was as close to 'thanks' as he was going to get. "I wasn't gonna, don't worry," he said gruffly. He opened the jeep door and hopped down onto the pavement. "Stay here."

Sasha raised an eyebrow at the order. "Where else am I going to go?"

Morry returned a few minutes later with a bag of frozen peas and a packaged honey-bun. "They didn't have any ice-packs," he said as he offered the peas to Sasha.

"These will do just fine." Sasha removed the bandana and replaced it with the bag of peas, his features instantly slackening with relief.

Morry got a good look at Sasha's face in the brief second that it had been uncovered, and what he saw made his stomach clench uncomfortably. Sasha's nose was a disaster area, all bloody and bumpy and visibly out of place. "Are you sure we don't need to go to the emergency room?" he asked, an edge of concern laced within his gruff tone.

"That is not necessary," Sasha answered, resting his head back against his seat. "I do not believe my nose is actually broken."

How could it not be broken? It looked awful! " Wouldn't be any trouble for me," Morry said as he backed out of the parking spot.

"I'm not sitting for hours in an emergency room for something that will likely heal just fine on it's own," Sasha said with finality.

"Suit yourself." He still thought that Sasha needed to get his nose checked out, but he wasn't going to argue any further with the stubborn Kraut. He turned back onto the street and headed forward, worry over Sasha's injury making him drive faster than he normally would. _Of all the nights to leave my first aid kit at home. Damn it, I'm not usually so unprepared. _

"You shouldn't feel bad for not having a first aid kit with you," Sasha said, apparently having eavesdropped on Morry's thoughts. "How could you have known that one of your acquaintances was going to be injured while engaged in a foolish argument?"

Morry sputtered, his fingers tightening their grip on the steering wheel as a surge of anger ran through him. "Stay out of my noggin!" he barked, putting his mental shields up to prevent Sasha from telepathically invading him again.

Sasha put his free hand up defensively. "I was merely trying to reassure you," he said, as unapologetic as he always was. "Really, you've gone quite a bit out of your way just by driving me home. It's more than I would have expected."

Morry huffed. "The hell's that supposed to mean? You thought I'd just leave you lying on the floor in the bar?" Really, for all of his smarts, Sasha could be so dense. "You're the most obnoxious person I know, but we're both in the same regiment." He flicked the turn signal on and got into the right-most lane. "I gotta look out for a fellow soldier."

"Hm," was Sasha's very eloquent reply.

A silence fell between the two of them for the remainder of the twenty-or-so minute drive. It was not broken until Morry came to a stop near Sasha's apartment complex. "Here," Morry said, tossing the honey-bun on to Sasha's lap.

Sasha looked down at the bun as though he were baffled by its very existence. "This is for me?"

"Of course it is," Morry said quickly. "You think that I'd eat something like that?" He would, of course, eagerly too, but Sasha didn't need to know that.

"When have I ever implied that I would enjoy one of these?" he asked, bemused, floating the bun up to his face to examine it further.

"You didn't." Morry tapped his fingers on the steering wheel, feeling his cheeks flush. "It's just...my Ma used to give us boys a treat whenever we got hurt, so…" He trailed off, embarrassed that he'd allowed himself to give into a nostalgic impulse.

"Ah." Morry expected mockery after this explanation, but it seemed that none was forthcoming. "The sentiment is appreciated," Sasha said, regarding Morry with an expression that almost appeared thoughtful. "But you may as well keep it. Even if I were inclined to eat things like this, it's not like I'd be able to taste it in my current state."

"Oh." Morry took the bun back and place it in the cup holder. "Well, I...uh, I guess I'll give to Milla next time I see her, then."

"She does like that sort of confection," Sasha said. He attempted to breathe through his nose and was rewarded with an ugly, mucusy noise for his effort. "I'm never going to hear the end of it from her when she finds out about what happened tonight."

Morry let out a bark of laughter. "Yeah, she's gonna be on your case for a while, Nein." He certainly did not envy the man- when Milla was mad at you for doing something bone-headed, she made sure you knew it.

It was hard to tell with the peas and the bandanna in the way, but he thought he saw the corner's of Sasha's mouth tic upward in a smile. "Perhaps I should take that back," he said, making a grab for the honey bun. "She'll be less angry with me if I bribe her with a gift."

Morry swatted his hand away. "Oh, no, you had your chance," he said, tossing the bun into the backseat. "I'm gonna be the one to give it to her." A pause, and then, "but I'll tell her to lay off of you. That busted-up nose of yours is gonna give you enough pain anyway."

"How very generous of you." Sasha unbuckled his seat belt and opened the door, but did not exit the vehicle. "Do you want this back?" he asked, holding the bandana out as if he thought Morry would want to touch it.

"Ugh, no." Morry waved the bloody, snot-covered cloth away, disgusted. "I, uh, have enough blood-stained clothing already. Don't need to add more to my collection."

"Fine, then." Sasha put the bandanna back onto his face along with the peas. "I'll take my leave," he said as he stepped out of the jeep. "Goodnight, Morry."

"Yeah. You take care of yourself." Morry thought for a moment, remembering that Sasha was not actually very good at the whole 'taking care of yourself' thing. "I'll come by tomorrow at O-eight-hundred hours, to make sure you're holding up alright."

Sasha nodded. "I suppose that you will not take 'no' for an answer, so I'll see you in the morning." And with that serving as a farewell, he shut the door and headed off towards the entrance of his building without a single glance back.

Morry rolled his eyes and turned the key in the ignition. "You're welcome, Nein."


End file.
